So remember when I started a blog (4 days ago!) to chronicle my path of self improvement and to hold myself accountable publicly for making actual choices and doing actual things that improve the direction of my life? Well, stuff is already starting to happen.
Good stuff…but stuff that scares the crap out of me…
A couple of weeks ago I interviewed at a fancy-pants investment bank in New York City. I was at the height of a very anxious/depressive state, and I was off all my meds in preparation for switching to my current medication. I don’t know how I made it through the interview, let alone convinced both people I met with that I belong on their team.
But apparently, I did well enough to get a job offer!
When I got the phone call, I wanted to simultaneously do a celebratory jig and also throw up… sorry, that’s gross, but true. The jig part is because the salary is exactly double what I was making in my previous job, and is almost exactly quadruple what I had been collecting while on unemployment!
And that is obviously life changing. I can finally keep my head above water financially.
The throw up part is because I’m scared about actually changing my life… Even though it’s changing in a wonderful direction, I’m feeling kind of terrified. Performance anxiety, social anxiety, anxiety about anxiety…Yikes, clearly the Nardil has not started kicking in yet.
I say I want to change, that’s why I have this blog… but I’m scared, scared, scared to really do it… But I guess this is about improving my life, even if I have to do things that are scary…
Ok, pull it together… joyful (not petrified) effort, remember?
Anyways, I got a 91 on my Anatomy test today!!
Crazy day…
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