Full Moon

Whooo….breathe… feeling very nervous today… I think I might have fallen back into CrazyTown today in terms of anxiety based on nothing.

Went shopping for new wear to work clothes this morning, but didn’t find anything in the store. I will be ordering from Talbots online…hopefully they'll run that free shipping deal again.

Anyways, 2pm and I’m so nervous…I promised myself I would work out today, but I’m too tired to go the gym. I’m soooo anxious that it’s even difficult to watch tv… Daytime tv (talk shows, soaps) can be generally depressing, and watching the news makes me super anxious when I’m in a state like this.

What to do…dilemma…Do I try to take a nap? I’m too wound up to even do that… Wow…I’m a crazy nervous drama queen right now…

What to do…nervous, nervous, nervous about this job that doesn’t even start til next week…

…So now it’s after 3pm…

I’ve calmed down a little bit.

I randomly read an old New York Times essay by Laura A. Munson. The general topic at hand doesn’t apply to me (the essay focuses on how she to maintained herself and her marriage during her husband’s midlife crisis a couple years ago) but her thoughts about the “end of suffering” were very thought provoking and made me cry a little.

I realize how much work I have to do…to accept myself, etc. I really am just flailing about right now… I can’t seem to find my core and unhook myself from all these flittering feelings.

Maybe it’s the full moon?

Anyways, I talked to the Doc this afternoon and I’m upping the Nardil to 60mg starting tomorrow…yikes…breathe….